Well, two actually. Two people deleted me tonight….
[14:00] OnAndOffFriend Resident: Good luck with your life
[15:09] BeenMyFriendforYears Resident: how about.. fuck off 🙂
Sometimes I can’t be what you need.
Sometimes I can’t even be what I need.
Sometimes I have nothing left in me and when I reach out to you or you reach out to me for …something, for anything, and I can’t reciprocate exactly how you want me to in that very moment you react carelessly.
And even if it brings hot, sad tears to my eyes, that’s okay because… I have nothing in me just now, there’s nothing left. And to be honest, it’s just one less thing to worry about. There are so many things to worry about and …it’s all too much sometimes. The pretence gets to me a little more each day. The mask is going to slip soon and I’ll be there, exposed in my hopelessness and there will be no way back and .. at that point. I won’t want there to be.
I can feel it coming. Like my gran could feel the rain coming in her wee pinky… it’s there. It’s only a matter of time.
Sometimes .. you need to see more than what’s right in front of you. Sometimes you need to realise that…although someone hardly ever talks about what’s really wrong, although they always prefer to ask about you, to listen, sometimes …it’s just not possible to listen anymore. That it’s not about you… that the unsaid things are there being screamed silently from between the lines…and that sometimes, just sometimes… people desperately want someone. Anyone… to notice.
People don’t. All the see is themselves. How actions affect them directly. It’s always all about them. About you. Instead of asking why, as I so often do .. so often… instead of thinking… this is different, why, the reaction is deletion.
Owell. I actually don’t fucking care.