Strange things you find in SL (#4)

I’m like busses …none for a while then two all at once ūüėÄ

I have no words for this one, except to say what the actual fuck? Instead I’ll leave the words to the …freak who made it. This is verbatim, by the way.

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“By the time Pierra was on her way to the butcher’s block, she was more than ready to end her suffering. Her insides ruined from months of abuse, her tits no longer able to give sweetmilk, she no longer had any value to Frenemy Farms. In a last ditch effort, she was put on a program of she-bull cum, but that only left her cum-addled and oblivious to anyone around her. In the end, all she had going for her was the tender flesh on her bones.

With some assistance, Pierra filled out the necessary paperwork and she was given one last sprucing up my the attendants. Well-scrubbed and fasted, she resembled something of her former glory: a Frenemy Farms cowgirl, the pinnacle of what all womanhood aspires to.

It was over very quickly and, in the brief moment before her eyes went dark, her chest swelled with pride at the thought that she’d serve one last purpose at some affluent party or charitable event.

Thereafter, she was posed in a attractive position, and slid into the oven.

Did you enjoy what you’ve read, even to your shame?”

Noooooo. Just no. Who even thinks up this stuff?

Why its so hard to be ‘just friends’ with someone you love.

I’ve been engrossed in Huckleberry Hax’s stories again. Particularly¬†The man who had an affair with his wife. I always wonder if there is a little bit of him in his narrations (there is isn’t there? He knows too much, he’s tried this shit out). Anyway, ¬†feeling sort of inspired, I thought about writing a series of stories myself and so I started off this little bundle of words that way. ¬†It soon became apparent however that this was a story about me and, as I felt a bit daft about doing it, I changed it back. I tried to do it that way as I always endeavour not to make these posts personal (and when I do occasionally transgress and slip one out I’m fairly quick to come to my senses and remove it again). As this post is a bit personal I reasoned a 3rd party story would have worked really well. ¬†That all went to shit pretty quickly ¬†ūüėČ ¬†however I’m still going to post this anyway because, well…. we’ve most of us been there haven’t we? Some of us are still here …

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Three years ago, tired from sim hopping, I was taking a little rest at one of my favourite (and at the time new) sims. Trailing my fingertips through the virtual grass, I was absentmindedly watching the trees sway gently in the wind, my mind wandering as aimlessly as the fluffy white clouds swirling overhead in the blue sky when I saw him. To be fair I saw lots of people milling around at that time however there was something about this particular guy that caught my attention. Perhaps the clothes, casual, a little hipster yet not in the pretentious way, possibly the way he was, despite being near, still giving me space… who knows really. Whatever it was, I felt sort of drawn to him and in that moment I decided to do something I seldom do and message him.

Little did I know that those few introductory words, so innocent and succinct would lead to such a  profound and affecting relationship with one of the most special guys I have ever encountered.

The spark was instant; I had never laughed so easily with someone in so little time. He was witty and self depreciating.¬†We exchanged friend requests (and you know how I feel about ¬†instant friend requests if you’ve read my previous posts). An initial chat led to a ¬†friendship over a few months. That friendship turned into …something else and that something else settled to dust. In those few initial words he instantly became special to me, and he has continued to stay special even after things …. have changed.

For the briefest of times however things were great, really great. Then the issues started creeping out, fuelled by our miscommunications and strange, weird personalities which led to unresolved misunderstandings. He’s not the easiest of people, God love him and neither am I. Truth be told there were a lot of things conspiring to bring about the beginning of the (first) end however if I had to choose just one, I’d credit our initial demise to a particular best friend ¬†(wannabe partner) of his who turned out to be completely mental and infatuated with him. ¬†I tried to integrate, I really did, I tried hard (and this from a non people person as well!). For example if ¬†he and I were dancing together and she rocked up we’d just go over and dance beside her, all three of us, all inclusively. Nice huh? ¬†I thought so. She still acted weird as fuck though. Slowly and subtly she’d drip poison in his ears. Three was definitely a crowd and that dynamic would never have worked.

The second time around that element wasn’t there at all and we still managed to break things again and this time it was a rl thing that got in the way. After that he didn’t log in for ages. Not logging in didn’t mean much. We weren’t constrained to SL, we took things outside very quickly as I’m prone to do. ¬†I just didn’t contact him and he didn’t contact me. Mostly because we are like that and are both incredibly stupid. I still thought about him pretty much every day (things I’d see I wanted to share with him, gigs I went to I’d want to tell him about, so many small and big things) however he wasn’t in SL. I didn’t actually¬†see him and we didn’t talk. When I look back at all that time however I do feel like I still¬†did¬†share all of it with him because although he wasn’t with me and although I didn’t say the words out loud I still told him them, in my head.

Okay. That’s getting a bit weird even for me. Moving on.

One day he started logging again. His name pinged up on my screen and my heart jumped into my mouth. I can’t remember who talked first. He says it was me, ¬†I think it was him. One day I will actually go check. I don’t ¬†tend to like re-reading our old logs though as weird things crop up so maybe I won’t. Anyway he’s here again….. I can¬†see¬†him.

It hurt a lot to see him at first. To talk again. I’m hesitant and reticent around him. Dissolving ¬†a relationship is, after all painful. We are talking though… periodically in dribs and drabs and when we do I realise I can talk to him forever. Hours and hours slip by and I don’t notice. Its easy and comfortable when ¬†I forget to remember about the past.

I do remember the past though. What I ¬†remember the most is that I missed him when he wasn’t in my life. I missed him incredibly.¬† Having to accept not having him in my life was hard. ¬†Trying to¬†let him go was… difficult. When he started logging back in and talking again I started to wonder what was worse? Was letting him back in going to be harder than missing him? We‚Äôd been friends before in the very beginning, so why couldn‚Äôt we be friends again now? Was it possible to even be that?

In the months without him I know I wasn’t really interested in anybody else. ¬†No-one is as easy to talk to, as sweet and caring, as giving, there was and is a continual comparison going on and I doubt anyone will ever come out on top. ¬†So I’ve decided to ¬†let him back into my life… as ‚Äėjust a friend’ because, lets be honest, he never really left. Are we really that though? I don’t know is the answer. I’m taking it one day at a time. What I think I’ve decided is that¬†I‚Äôm unhappier without him in my life. ¬†Falling for someone is not something we can control however we do have control over choosing to stay around that person.

So whilst it is far from easy, I’m choosing to stay, for now.









Things that are WAY better in SL… (#1)

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Today (in real life) I travelled through to another Scottish city (Glasgow) as I needed a particular item for a thing I have coming up and it was proving impossible to get said thing in the city where I live. I ¬†had to get it pretty sharpish and therefore didn’t have time for the usual ordering / finding it wasn’t right / having to return it scenario that often comes with rl internet shopping. So I ventured further afield to somewhere which had bigger, better shops.

I don’t really like Glasgow all that much, it’s dirtier than Edinburgh, and worse, full of weird strangers ¬†who want to talk to you. Edinburgh isn’t like this at all, people, even shop assistants, will happily ignore you, and this suits me just perfectly. ¬†Glasgow however is completely different, total randoms on the street will stop you and just start chatting about anything and everything. ¬†Women in the pubic toilets will catch your eyes in the shared mirror and spark up conversations about hair or make or paper bloody towels as you try to wash your hands in peace. Shop assistants will harass you to within an inch of your life and follow you about ignoring your polite ‘I just want to look myself thank yous’ with smiles so wide it looks as though their heads might crack in two. This apparently makes Glasgow the ‘friendlier city. ¬†I’m not that friendly and I completely hate it.

After a few hours of being socially bombarded I couldn’t take it anymore and, admitting defeat, escaped to the quietest coffee shop I could find, selecting the furthest away most isolated table. Within 5 mins this older guy looking a little worse for wear with a face full of burst blood vessels (why are all the mens faces like this Glasgow?!!) sat at the table right next to me. And I mean right next to me, these places pack the tables in, there was literally a 10cm gap between them. There were LOADS of other empty tables. Why do people do this stuff? I despair at the human race and I despair even more at my ¬†apparent inability to interact within this world. I wish I wasn’t this way. ¬†I wish I was normal and could just chat away without feeling uncomfortable. Of course I can chat and smile back and I do it all the time. The recipient completely oblivious to what is going on behind my eyes.

At that particular point though, after a day of it I wasn’t in the mood to pretend anymore.¬†I put in my earbuds and focused on my phone and avoided any sort of eye contact AT ALL (you know when you can just feel the words someone is wanting to say hanging desperately in the air before they even get them out of their mouths?). I ignored that feeling and I ignored him and ¬†I started thinking about my day and my failed shopping attempt and hidden social awkwardness and ¬†how much better my shopping ¬†experience is in second life is – see this¬†is¬†a post about SL really ūüėČ

Here are the reasons I came up with;

  1. Whilst marketplace isn’t dissimilar to internet shopping you at least know that when you buy something which lists your mesh body shape (maireya in my case) that it’s going to fit like a glove. ¬†Avatars don’t get sick and loose weight and then have no idea what size they are anymore. The mesh clothes for each mesh body are reliable no matter the vendor as they all use a body template ensuring a perfect fit no matter the virtual store you shop in. Wheres when, after a lot of frustrating trial and error irl, you do find your new size you can almost guarantee when you go into the next shop that size won’t fit and you have to once again take 3 sizes into the changing room to figure out which one you need. It’s a lot of trial and error and its bloody exhausting.
  2. If you venture into a shop in world people don’t harass you. If in world shop assistants exist they are generally bots who pretty much leave you the fuck alone. They don’t follow you around bugging the shit out of you. Other shoppers are also similarly disinterested. You can get on with what you came to do (shop not smalltalk!)
  3. Delivery is instantaneous….you don’t have to wait for your purchase to arrive ¬†and when it does you will probably not be in and some courier will shove it in your wheelie bin beside the cat litter ¬†ūüė¶
  4. It’s way cheaper! ¬†You can get a beautifully crafted ball gown for ¬£2, intricate, detailed bracelets for less. Pennies as opposed to hundreds of pounds.
  5. You can change your skin colour without frying in the sun for days, swap your hair in seconds with out a visit to the hairdresser (who will invariably also want to talk shite about the weather or holidays or those reality tv shows I have no clue about). You can get killer new nails in seconds without having to visit the nail bar. Change your eye colour minus the uncomfy contacts. Modify your body painlessly without the need of a surgeons scalpel….the list goes on.

And heres another thing that’s great about SL …it’s given me a get out clause ¬†ūüėČ ¬†Writing this post has made me look incredibly busy to my unwanted coffee shop companion. He has since left without uttering a single world. ¬†Result.





















Life is just a list of disappoints and defeats and you can only do your best

Feeling a bit disillusioned and down today. ¬†I stayed up wayyyyy too late again as someone popped online that ¬†I hadn’t seen in a while and ¬†I got distracted and involved and now I’m suffering for it. Like good old Frank I’m feeling all washed up and tired. There couldn’t be a worse day for it too, everyone (rl) is being so needy and demanding and I can’t catch a breath *sigh* . These lyrics say it all…. I’m really hoping the last two verses are just around the virtual corner. I’m away to see Blondie tonight, that’ll maybe do it.

I sometimes feel like I’m retracing my parents footsteps when I go to these geriatric gigs …. well my dad’s at least ūüėČ ¬†I saw Chrissie Hyde the other month there too. She was awesome. I’m hoping Debbie will be equally as fantastic. Legendary women from a legendary time.

I do like to mix it up though, a bit of old, a bit of new, so for now here’s something a little more up to date that I’ve been sat in my bed listening to whilst wishing everyone at work would just leave me the fuck alone.

Well a teacher of mine once told me
That life was just a list of disappoints and defeats
And you could only do your best,
And I said “That’s a fucking cop-out,
you’re just washed up and your tired,
and when I get to your age I won’t be such a coward”
But these day I sit at home, known to shout at my TV
And Punk Rock didn’t live up to what I hoped that it could be
And all the things that I believed with all my heart when I was young
Are just coasters for beers and clean surfaces for drugs
And I packed all my pamphlets with my bibles at the back of the shelf

Well it was bad enough the feeling, and the first time it hit
When you realized your parents had let the world all go to shit
And that the values and ideals for which many had fought and died
Had been killed off in the committees and left to die by the wayside
But it was worse when we turned to the kids on the left
And got let down again by some poor excuse for protest
Yeah by idiot fucking hippies in 50 different factions
Who are locked inside some kind of 60’s battle re-enactment
And I hung-up my banner in disgust and I head for the door

Oh but once we were young, and we were crass enough to care
But I guess you live and learn, we won’t make that mistake again, no
Oh but surely just for one day, we could fight and we could win
And if only for a little while, we could insist on the impossible

Well we’ve been a good few hours drinking
So I’m going to say what everyone’s thinking
If we’re stuck on this ship and it’s sinking
Then we might as well have a parade
Cos if it’s still going to hurt in the morning
And a better plan’s set to get forming
Then where’s the harm spending an evening
In manning the old barricades,
So come on old friends to the streets
Let’s be 1905 but not 1917,
Let’s be heroes, let’s be martyrs, let’s be radical thinkers
Who never have to test drive the least of their dreams
Let’s divide up the world into the damned and safe
And then ride to the valleys like the old life brigade
And straighten our backs and we won’t be afraid
And they’ll celebrate our deaths with a national parade

So come on let’s be young, let’s be crass enough to care
Let’s refuse to live and learn, let’s make all our mistakes again yes
And then darling, just for one day, we can fight and we can win
And if only for a little while, we could insist on the impossible
Leave the mourning the to the morning
Yeah pain can be killed
With aspirin tablets and vitamin pills
But memories of hope, and glorious defeat
Are a little bit harder to beat

When people lie in SL (1#)

A tall tale about an apparently good friend…

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People lie all the time in SL don’t they? As barely a month goes by in that place without me encountering some sort of ¬†bizarre and hilarious falsehood, I thought it might be interesting ¬†(and amusing) to capture it all here in a series. So here’s the first one; a tall tale about an apparently good friend.

The other day I was chatting away to one of my (real) good friends, as you do, about nothing in particular when he came out with this wee gem;

¬†‘I’m thinking of telling you something that could potentially drive you nuts’.

Sounds riveting right?

I was of course hooked and decided to offer suitable encouragement for him to  stop thinking about telling and instead do the telling.

‘Well now you MUST impart this information¬†because otherwise I will hound you senselessly with no remorse forever’.

He must have thought that sounded really rubbish because he then proceeded to  spill the beans and share with me this thing deemed to have the potential to make me mental.   It was really quite amusing.

Apparently, once upon a time in a SL far, far away I had a good friend. Apparently (be prepared, there will be a lot of apparentlys in this story) this good friend, this¬†poor, sad, much maligned good friend¬†of mine had such a bad time of things inworld that she (or he because who really knows) ¬†decided to …. are you ready for this? ¬†Brace yourself now… s/he decided to forgo the account I apparently knew (when we were such good friends) and create another account, thus abandoning our apparent goodfriendedness forever! I know right? ¬†ūüėģ How cruel of her/him! However would I ever survive?

Of course it’s all very hush hush. Apparently NO-body¬†knows what this old account was and, in true SL drama-llama style, s/he apparently wants¬†to keep it this way.¬†

I bet you are thinking who cares right? I admit I was sorta thinking who cares too. The thing is though, I have very, very few actual good friends and only one of them is female and I’m pretty certain it it isn’t her because she’s (a) not old and (b) not a liar.

I’m 100% certain this strange person has made this up and I’m curious as to why. It’s a little sad and pathetic really isn’t it? Maybe it was to have something shared to talk to my actual good friend about, perhaps s/he thought that by saying s/he knew me as we were such¬†good friends¬†s/he could offer insights into my behaviour / our relation and perhaps ¬†in the process find out a little more about things?

Perhaps s/he just invented it on a whim?

What if s/he is suffering from some terribly psychosis and actually thinks we were friends when we weren’t at all?

Whatever it was, it was a lie. I don’t and never have, collected friends. If someone is truly my friend then it will have been a long process over many years and I will keep them forever. This is exactly why I know s/he has never been one.

Of course I sent her/him an IM about it all because, well, if you are going to  tell a lie involving me then frankly, Im going to call you on it.

Tellingly there’s been no response.

I wonder why. It couldn’t possibly be that s/he is unable to reply with the previous avatar name that I was apparently such good friends with because that relationship never existed?

No, that couldn’t possibly be the reason ūüėČ