Why relationships fail…

Kittycatty .png

This isn’t about cats.  I just liked that picture so thought I’d use it. I should really have found / made  a butterfly one (because this is a wee bit about butterflies) but I can’t be fucked logging into sl just now so you’re stuck with me and my cat. 😋

What is it about? Well… relationships I guess. I’ve thought for a while that humans really aren’t actually designed to be in relationships for any length of time. Those of you close to me will know this as I’ve probably shared the premise with you already however I’ve never actually written about it here.

The secret bowels my blog are rammed full with heartfelt posts that I’ve either never published or which I’ve published, considered,and then removed within the blink of an eye as they’ve been too personal and too close to the bone for me. This one is a wee bit personal too I guess however it’s also observational so mibbie it will manage to stay the distance.

As always my posts are a mix of RL and SL as both are very interwoven for me. I do think however that all of this nonsense I’m about to spew forth can be applied both to RL and SL, only in SL the timeframe is much, much shorter 😏

Taking of duration, this is probably going to be a long one so I hope you’ve got a coffee, or a wine, hahaha wines probably preferable for the ensuing cynicism.

Awright enough waffle!

We are completely designed to fail at relationships.

I want you to think about the moment you first meet someone, the ‘right’ someone. That tantalising attraction you feel. Sparks literally fly when you touch, it feels electric. Your pulse quickens, you get butterflies (see! butterflies!), their name takes on a special significance.

And this is just on  your side.

What if its mutual? Then it’s explosive! This is amazing! You finally understand all the love songs, the poems, the art. The concept of soulmates. It’s happened you’ve found him or her. It was true after all. Your entire life has led to this moment, it’s magical, meant to be. It feels so right. Your partner is perfect, you get blissfully lost in their kisses for hours, their body is so incredibly fascinating to you, you adore each pore, want to know every inch intimately. Sex feels like something otherworldly, it’s like your bodies were made for each other, you fit so perfectly, everything feels right, connected. Joined. You move completely in synch, you’re two missing puzzle pieces that have finally found each other and clicked perfectly into place. It’s euphoric, a drug like ecstasy.  Touches cause immediate, delicious goosebumps. You stare into each others eyes and talk all night putting the world to rights discovering everything, anything about each other and you want to know it all, each little fact or dream or hope revealed endearing you further. Dinner dates last for hours, you forget the food, forget to order or even look at the menu, have to be prompted by the waiter two times, when the food does come it’s goes cold, largely untouched. You have no time for food, you want to spend every second eating up this perfect partner you have found, drinking them in. You have so much in common, did two people ever gel so well before? Surely never. You find out about all of his or her little quirks like switching off all the sockets before you leave the house are adorable – how safety conscious and thoughtful, he/she really cares!

Then what? Well, then, unfortunately it all begins to change doesn’t it? Admit it, that honeymoon period doesn’t last. It leaves … departs in a manner of ways, it can be rapid or  slow and drawn out however leave it does. One day you just realise you don’t feel that way anymore. It’s gone. Changed. You realise “Happily Ever After” is one of the greatest lies ever told. It’s constructed and fake and about as far from reality as it gets.

The first part never lasts, we’re humans and inevitably our stupid brain chemistry kicks in and we start to wonder if we’re missing out, if this is it? Or is there something else, something better out there? As we move from the honeymoon period into the companionship period, we, silly fickle things that we are, begin to miss the butterflies. Those quirks we used to find adorable aren’t so adorable anymore in fact they become intensely annoying. Stick a pencil through their eye annoying. Switching off ALL the sockets? For fucks sake why? Do you think we’ll ever get out the door this side of 2018?! Sex is okay, kinda boring, comfortable, known. Dinners now involve mobile phones and conversations about the food as opposed your deepest darkest fears. You have stupid ridiculous fights about who’s turn it is to load the dishwasher. Your messed up brain starts to assign ownership, you start thinking of them as yours my boyfriend, my partner, something that has become part of you.  We think of them as ours and begin to take them for granted. We nag them, we are short tempered, if we have a bad day we take it out on them, we hang up abruptly we become inconsiderate and stop thinking about their needs. And they do the same.

We begin to wonder if we settled. If this is it. Is this what happens to everyone? Is it inevitable. Was it all a lie, is this the reality. Should we re-adjust, try to stop thinking about this, forget it and try to be happy, be content because after all it isn’t bad.It’s just not… good like it was before.

I know some folk, a lot of folk do settle, especially if kids come along and complicate things further. You sacrifice the wonderful for the mundane. Because yes, I do think its a sacrifice. You’re sacrificing your butterflies. No more dates, not more hazy honeymoons.

So what next? What happens if you do choose to stay?

If you do make it past this phase you enter the long haul stage. You merge, become a team. There is no more magic the butterflies are long dead and withered. Kisses are on the cheek and usually reserved for hellos and goodbyes. You don’t snog like before, thoughts about their mouth are usually more centred around their smelly bad breath and the last time they cleaned their teeth. You inhabit a routine interspersed with some ‘nice stuff’ to trick you both into feeling like it’s really okay. Date night. A movie a dinner. To give the semblance of … what? Romance?  It’s all just become a tick box routine though. Just something  else to be done alongside taking the rubbish out. You begin to resent them and the status quo a little.

Then something unsought and unexpected happens…something that brings you back to life a little. That hot new guy in the gym? He definitely likes you.  It’s okay to flirt back a little, its harmless isn’t it? It doesn’t mean anything does it? Not really. It’s fine! You’re human, you deserve to feel nice, attractive, wanted. And there goes your brain again, it’s off sending out those romance signals. The butterflies are back. There’s excitement again, newness. The awakening of the attraction, the longing for pleasure again…

You’re not getting on with your partner anyway, it’s over, dead. You need to grasp this chance, take it, if you were to forgo it due to some type of misguided loyalty you’d only resent your partner more wouldn’t you? You’d regret it. You need to act on it. You want to.

Now what?

He or she found out. Maybe you told them, maybe you didn’t. Your comfortable relationship comes crashing to an end and your partner leaves. There’s anger, betrayal, hurt. Jealousy.

And now your longterm partner has left so you should be happy right? You got what you wanted. So what does your stupid fucked up brain then decide to do? It tells you you AREN’T happy at all. This ISN’T what you wanted. You want THEM. You HAVE to get them back. You made a terrible, terrible mistake. Of course it does.  Our brains are a fucking contradictory carcrash. There really is no hope for us.

We remember only the good times, looking back through rose tinted glasses.  He / she was the love of your life, how could you be so blind? And of course they don’t WANT YOU back now.  It becomes a living hell. Torturous even. All those heartbreak  songs are speaking directly to you.  He was the love of your life and you traded him for a meathead from the gym? How could you be so stupid.

We bombard them, we just can’t help it. We text, we call we email. Desperate, pathetic. If only we can make them see we regret it, we’ve seen sense. Please baby, give me one more chance.

Humans can’t handle heartbreak. They simply can’t they go nuts. Act completely irrationally. Crazily. They become someone else. I think death might easier to come to terms with than heartbreak when I think about it. Breakups are never easy they are never amicable, someone’s lying there if they are saying they are. Hearts never break even. People have to learn to move on and that takes time. Differing amounts of time. Differing methods.

Some people can’t move on however that’s irrelevant. You have to pretend you have. Because you’re only deemed okay again when you have. Eventually your friends, family, nearest and dearest will get sick of your sadness, your longing your depths of despair.  People only want to comfort you for so long. It’s a finite period.

You’re only deemed okay when you’re back in the cycle again.

And maybe, a few years later  (the next week if its SL haha) you are doing okay. Times a healer after all, you’re feeling good again. Then you see a guy, at a gig, he catches your eye and smiles and your tummy does that little flip and those butterflies begin to stir their cobwebby wings….

Here we go again.

This time it will be different. 

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Charmers of SL

Soooooo… I was in SL today, just standing about, as you do, profile perving and there was this comment in this guys RL that I sorta liked so I thought I’d ask if I could steal it – gotta be polite eh? He said yes, just ’cause I’d asked so nicely’ and then the conversation continued in a somewhat predictable way, which I told him and to which he responded by saying I’d just caught him on a bad day…owell. It then deteriorated into the start of semi sex chat (‘how much can you take lady?’) which is, frankly worse than predictable chat and signified the beginning of the end of that particular little interlude HOWEVER beforehand something funny transpired which amused me no end.

Now anyone who knows me in SL knows my avatar is about as far from the oversexed bubblegum barbie you invariably find in SL as you can get. She’s sorta pale and beat up looking with dark circles round her eyes and I dress my wee doll in grungy jeans and a jumper most days. I dress her like I dress in RL most of the time. I’m not interested in coming across as attractive pixel wise to folk and I’m definitely not in SL for sex (in truth it bores me). I like the minds behind the screen (which, occasionally, rarely, can be very attractive to me) not the naked pixels on it…anyway, back to what happened today. It’s hilariously ironic to me that today of all days my doll was looking just about as pretty as I have ever made her. I mean she had a bloody dress on and everything AND IT WAS EVEN PINK for fucks sake. And short. Granted I had docs on but still… I was, for me in SL, looking mildly pretty(ish). There had been a birthday party at my favourite club that I just couldn’t miss y’see and I’d even promised I’d wear a frock so there I was.. still in the dress because, well, I’m lazy and  two days later I couldn’t be bothered to change. This is what I was wearing by the way:

Loops pink 2

Now, bite marks aside I think she is looking quite presentable don’t you?

Apparently not it seems because this is the conversation that ensued, check the bits in bold, it really does crack me up 🤣:

[2018/09/10 10:57] Jonny Porthos: so what about you ,you come back time and time again for the blogging?
[2018/09/10 10:58] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): I have periods of .. I dunno what, abstinence, boredom, distinterest.. but yeah it always pulls me back in
[2018/09/10 10:58] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): I’ve thought about why a lot
[2018/09/10 10:58] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): ahh mibbie that’s a potential blog 😉
[2018/09/10 10:59] Jonny Porthos: possibly ….well you obviously dont thrive on the getting male attention ,i mean you arent in this game to turn heads it seems
[2018/09/10 11:00] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): lol
[2018/09/10 11:00] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): charming
[2018/09/10 11:00] Jonny Porthos: :p
[2018/09/10 11:00] Jonny Porthos: i have my moments ,mhmm
[2018/09/10 11:00] Jonny Porthos: but i sensed you can take it

Well. Back to the jeans and jumpers it is. And I guess, it’s nice to know that the folk who do talk to me must be interested in more than pretty pixels and that the heads I occasionally turn have brains inside them and not just eyes  😉

Loops x

 

Sunday morning songs!

What’re you gonna do today?

Here in Edinburgh  it’s not as nice a day today as yesterday, at least it’s not raining though and the sun’s beginning to peek out. Soooooo I’m gonna drive to the coast, find a place with no people and drink in the sea air I think!  😍

Have a good one and, to nick my mates phrase, stay safe out there 😉

 

And we all shine on..

Pip fotor finalWe meet so many different people in SL don’t we? Each one so very unique and complicated in their own way. Every one of them with their own reason for being there. How do you even begin to know or understand a stranger? How do you know if they are someone you’d like? If they’d like you…because it needs to be mutual after all.

I think that… if you’d like to identify, really identify and try to understand a person then don’t ask what they do or like to eat or where they have lived. Delve deeper, look into their eyes and ask them instead what they are living for, what’s keeping them from what they’d like to live for, what they crave to read, or experience or learn about, what is the drive that keeps them going or calls to them most when they’re close to their edge or just before they slip into sleep…

Some people just seem desperate to like anyone. Don’t. Be selective. Take your time… After all, fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

And speaking of angels, here’s your song for the day.  Get yourself together darlin’, move on and keep shining on x

 

 

 

What’s new pussycat…

Woowahwoowahwowowwww…!

Grumpy cat

How cool is this kitty cat though? He looks are grumpy as I feel, haha.

I don’t really have a lot to say today. I  got back from my wee trip and I logged into SL  because I told someone I would. Sometime’s though, RL makes SL seem a bit … flat and I couldn’t really be bothered. I’m sure I’ll be more bothered tomorrow.  Just like I’m sure the next post will be much more interesting.

Actually, maybe not.

As usual I wouldn’t hold your breath.

I often inadvertently disappoint.

Loops x

Ps. Heres’ some music

Unravelling…

Tearing at the seams

Today I’m not doing so great at holding together the pretence. The stitching is unravelling. I’m tearing at my seams and I’m fearful I might fall to pieces …

I’ve been listening to this album over and over.

It’s how I feel.

All of it.

Sometimes, unbelievably … someone else can say exactly what you think…

What I did in SL today… The story of the unintended voyeur

Nice cup of tea.png

It’s Friday. I had a whole bunch of things I needed to get done today however instead of doing any of them I  have instead made myself a cup of tea (earl grey, splash of almond milk) and logged into SL. I rezzed in my super dooper linden house, and was just sort of standing around there, as you do, contemplating what to waste these moments of my life on when I spotted there was someone nearby.

Now this is a rare occurrence in the part of SL my premium (premium, ha!) house inhabits. It’s usually deserted and when on occasion someone does pop up its invariably Joolz with her 2009 picture resplendent in her bondage gear and flexi hair with her profile detailing a proclivity for pony play. Today however there was someone new and on inspection, someone who dare I say it ..looked normal?  So I thought, right I’m at a loose end here. I’m going to do something I’d never EVER do RL or SL, Im going to go knock on this guys door and say hello and be all friendly and  neighbourly and see what happens. I know right? How spontaneous and fun am I (pretending to be)?

So off I toddle .. following his wee green triangle thingy on the map and eventually I get there and I knock (well, I say “knock knock” in PM don’t I, cause, well, SL). He responds by telling me he’s naked. “Well what’s new I say!”  (keep smiling Loops)  “its SL, 90% of SL is naked isn’t it!” so he invites me in and in I go. I tell him Im doing firsts. I’ve never visited a neighbour before. I’m living life on the edge these days, playing it dangerously. He tells me he’s never had a neighbour visit either. So far so good. We’re both doing firsts. We sit on the couch. He adjusts himself so I can see his stick on cock better (it was half in the couch before) and he asks me if he can tp a friend over.  “Sure!” I say “the more the merrier!”. It’s around this point I do temporarily wonder what’s happened to the real antisocial Loops and who this imposter is masquerading in her place but then I remember I am doing fists so … I plaster on a smile (i really do I click the smile button my my lelutka head and everything) and I open myself up to whatever strangeness is coming next.

I’m going to sort of summarise this next bit because, well you can guess what happened, and also I’ve posted it all below for your, shall we say entertainment?  Basically, this girl turned up and they then proceeded to strip off their avs clothes and then bump them together while saying all sorts of stuff in local. I have to say, if forced to choose the best bit, I’d almost certainly be going with ‘creaming her walls all over.. breeding her’. But hey, don’t go with my selection, choose your own! As mentioned I’ve included  the entire conversation below.  I am wholly positive you will get as much out of the experience as I did at the time.

You’ll notice when it all seemed to be over  I offered to make  tea.

No-one wanted the tea.

The end.

[02:14] Theneighbour: hey baby

[02:14] Theneighbour: meet Loops, just met her

[02:14] JTheneighbour: my neighbour

[02:14] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): Awright Thegirl

[02:15] Theneighbour:let me kiss you baby

[02:15] Theneighbour: good to see you

[02:16] Thegirl: melts to Theneighbour’s lips, “mmmmmmm hi baby”

[02:16] Thegirl wiggles her fingers to Loops as her lips are occupied.

[02:17] Theneighbour: finds your tongue, running my hands over her hips…

[02:17] Thegirl: wiggles her fingers right back whilst doing a prolonged comedy wink

[02:17] Theneighbour: happy you are here baby

[02:17] Theneighbour:looks at loops to see if she still feels comfartable

[02:18] Theneighbour: helps Thegirl out of her body suit…

[02:18] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): Oh Im cool as a cucumber… 🙂 ta for asking tho

[02:18] Theneighbour: releases his lips and looks at loops… “just feel comfartable”

[02:19] Theneighbour: feels her nipples against my chest…

[02:19] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): adjusts herself into  a “just feel comfy position” and makes an OK with her finger and thumb in the direction of the nakedness

[02:19] Theneighbour:  hmm baby, you said you had something to offer me?

[02:20] Theneighbour: softly moans as their magnetic seal breaks, “Don’t I always?”

[02:20] Theneighbour:feels my cock growing between your legs…

[02:21] Thegirl throws you back against the chair unable to sustain, “I have to have you”

[02:22] Theneighbour: knows you have just little time and pulls you on his lap after you have wetted my cock with your saliva… places you on my hard cock and feels you coming down

[02:22] Thegirl: tongue swirled over your visibly growing head, smearing an evil grin over her lips as she watched….

[02:22] Thegirl Oh hahaha, someone wants it NOW hmmmm?

[02:23] Theneighbour: looks into your eyes… “yes now baby… as you just have time for doing this…

[02:24] Theneighbour: feels you pushing down hard on my shaft… sucking your nipples when you offer your boob…

[02:24] Theneighbour: sucking it hard and deep into my mouth

[02:25] Theneighbour: my cock throbbing inside you tight wet cunt

[02:25] ThegirlOh fuck me baby

[02:25] Thegirland cum HARD inside my needy pussy

[02:26] Theneighbour: pushing you over the chair, spreading your legs and drilling my needy cock deep into you… fucking you hard, fast and deep

[02:27] Theneighbour:grabbing your hair and pulling your head backwards

[02:27] Theneighbour: changing again to give my neighbour a better view

[02:27] Thegirlwails out filthy anythings, fizzling out any thought other than the feeling of his raw unadulterated dick piercing her.

[02:27] Thegirl HARDER BABY

[02:28] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): watch out for carpet burns

[02:28] Theneighbour: feels you pushing back hard while i drill my cock deep inside you

[02:28] Theneighbour:  my balls contracting

[02:28] Thegirl: I like it when he leaves his marks behind

[02:29] Thegirl: winks at her

[02:29] Thegirl: slaps her ass

[02:29] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): gets a bit of a fright and does an awkward half laugh

[02:29] Theneighbour: sees Loops watching us

[02:29] ThegirlFUCK ME BABY!

[02:29] Theneighbour: spanks Thegirls ass.

[02:29] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): I think I have some arnica someplace ….

[02:29] Theneighbour: spanks her ass

[02:30] Theneighbour: hammers his dick deep inside her dirty cunt

[02:30] Theneighbour: looking at Loops

[02:30] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): gets distracted by a bit of lint on the sofa

[02:30] Theneighbour: feeling his orgasm building

[02:30] Theneighbour: balls contracting

[02:30] Theneighbour:throbbing inside her…

[02:30] Theneighbour:then arching my back

[02:31] Theneighbour: feeling my balls contract harder

[02:31]Theneighbour: shooting his load into her tight pussy… creaming her walls all over.. breeding her

[02:31]Theneighbour: fuckkkkkkkkk yessssssssssssss

[02:31] Thegirl squeeeeeeeeeezes tight, milking your long delicious tool

[02:32] Thegirl mmmmmmmmmmm yeahhhhhhhhh daddy, give it to me

[02:32]Theneighbour: empties his balls inside of you

[02:32] Theneighbour: spanking your ass once more

[02:32] Theneighbour: Thegirl’sass.

[02:32] Thegirl winces in pleasure

[02:32] Theneighbour: leaving a red mark

[02:33] Theneighbour: takes you on his lap before yo uneed to go.. to kiss

[02:34] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): are we done?  Should I put the kettle on and make us all a nice cup of tea?

[02:34] Theneighbour: grins at Loops… you must be british… tea…

[02:34] Thegirl: dripping his sweet cum down her quaking thighs she kisses him once more, “I love what you do to me? Love you daddy”

[02:34] Theneighbour:  open a bottle of wine

[02:35] Thegirl: looks over once again at Loops and smiles, “I would, but I just came to fuck his full cock and leave, thanks though”.

[02:35] Thegirl smiles, “Later dadddddddddy”

[02:35] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum):  wine at 10.34 am, you rebel you

[02:35] Theneighbour: hmmm baby… love to fuck you, even when you have just little time

[02:35] Theneighbour: always 5 oçlock somewhere in the world

[02:35] Theneighbour: and its always wine time

[02:36] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): I feel we should have some scones as well… replace some of that depleted energy.  Perhaps with Jam?

[02:36] Theneighbour: sure Loops

[02:36] Theneighbour: licked from your body?

[02:37] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): Em.. I’d probably need to have my annual bath first though

[02:37] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): or maybe not… I think I have some wet wipes someplace although I really do think a wee plate might be easier?

 

Footstools and absence explanations

Footstool

I haven’t been around a lot lately. Yes. Again.

There’s not a lot to say about that except that I’m a fickle female to prone to bouts of melodrama and misinterpretation.

Well, what happened? Stuff happened (that’s as revealing as I get). I freaked out. I got veryyyyyy dramatic and I  killed off  Loopy (except I didnt quite kill her entirely,  I more sort of  put her under temporarily all sleeping beautyish). I made my wordpress private, I stopped posting on flickr and  wait for it, I made an alt.

Yes I did.

A fully meshed up dear as fuck alt.  Except she never ever did feel quite right so I never really logged her very much. I envy you folk who can flit between avatars willy nilly feeling perfectly at home in those differing skins, I can never seem to manage it. I am, it seems, overly  attached to little Loops.

So I came back. Sort of. Messily.

And I made some mistakes in the process. I forgot you can never really go back so after trying that and failing at that then remembering about the forgetting,  I tried instead to go forward. Going forward however was proving equally problematic and was turning out to be the terribly, terribly, gut wrenchingly, tear yourself apart type of  complicated that no-one ever wants.

So I’ve sort of …. come to a halt.

I’m just standing here this in virtual swamp letting it all wash over me with a wry smile and a sense of detachment.  And I kinda like it. SL is always better when you don’t take it, or yourself too seriously after all.  And I’m curiously optimistic, swamps are murky … who knows what you’ll find down there in the depths.

I guess I’m back in SL again sort of semi invested doing what I love the most; observing and amusing myself no end in the process!

 

From my brave face to yours …

Screen Shot 2018-05-24 at 09.47.50

When people talk about putting on a brave face, I understand it’s just a phrase they use. But it happens to be the best description of what I do every morning and have done for a long time. I look in the mirror and see the real me, the small lines beginning to emerge on my face, the uncertainty in my eyes, the gaunt cheeks and too pale skin and I can’t go out like that. I don’t want people to know that version of me. It’s too raw and too honest. Their minds will go into overdrive and they will understand too much and ask too many questions. Always questions. From people who think they know the answers. So I put on my brave face. Hopefully they will be fooled into thinking that this is me and will not stop to ask what lies beneath, will not try to chip the veneer. And I will keep wearing it, smiling and saying I am fine when asked by others wearing their own brave faces. and saying they are fine too. What complicated and confusing and false lives we lead.