I no longer love the fucking rain.
Wandering around Glasgow hungover post gig when it’s pissing down and bloody freezing tends to do that to a person.
I no longer love the fucking rain.
Wandering around Glasgow hungover post gig when it’s pissing down and bloody freezing tends to do that to a person.
Today, as I was leaving my gym I paused in the foyer as I usually do for a second or two to zip up my jacket. It’s getting colder here now and I’ve been a little sick of late so I wanted to stay cosy and warm. Mid zip something made me stop and glance outside, it was raining out there, the clouds a huge mass of grey intense swirl. A rubbish day, as folk would say. People pushed past me buttoning up their coats, pulling their arms around them. Making themselves as small as possible as they rushed to their cars as fast as they could, eyes down. Bracing themselves against the cold wet weather. Hiding from it and in that instant I saw it all really differently. I don’t know why.
I didn’t go as far as taking off my coat but I did step out into the rain slowly raising my face to the sky feeling the little cold tickles as they hit my skin and rolled down my face over and over … and it felt good.
I was soaking by the time I reached my car but I wasn’t cold, it wasn’t unpleasant. It was quite the opposite. It made me feel happy, more alive. I peeled off my sodden jacket and felt the rain dance on my bare arms and stood for a few minutes more, just taking it all in. Embracing it. This small thing, oft ignored, often avoided and even disliked was actually…life affirming. We’re here on this earth with these wonderful, powerful elements and we so often exist in states of disharmony, of conflict and at that moment I was so very conscious of it. I was participating in it instead of avoiding it.
I guess it made me think about rushing, about learned behaviour and about ignoring the beautiful things literally right in front of our faces.
So please, please don’t rush though your life. Stop and do the different thing.
When it next rains, slow down. Turn your face up and feel it’s tickle.
Try it. Skins waterproof afterall 😉
I think missing you affects me the most when something funny happens. Because in that one moment I find myself laughing and within the next second I want to tell or text you what happened. And then it hits me again, every single time, that you aren’t there anymore. I lost something that mattered to me.
I just thought I’d drop in to say a quick hello. I didn’t really tell anyone I was leaving although I had planned this trip in my head for a wee while. I want to clear out my mind and my body. Get back to the more basic and nourishing things in life. As part of this I’m trying to stay away from technology for a bit however it’s not always so easy it it? As you can see I’m failing intermittently 🙂 It can have it’s benefits however, for example at times like this when I can pop in to share with you my beautiful sunsets and wishes for happy days free of stress.
Its so absolutely calming here. Another world within a world. We are used to that aren’t we?
I’ll be here a little while yet I think …
I’m awake. Truth be told I kinda like the wee small hours. The quiet, the darkness, the peace of it all. I’m sure SL is full of insomniacs, logged in to wile away the time. Passing the hours whatever way they can. Like me. Albeit thankfully only sometimes these days, like now when I don’t quite feel like sleeping yet. I used to be unable to sleep for what seemed like the longest time. That’s passed now and I’m glad. I do still think about the things which chased sleep from my mind and body from time to time, after all you can’t stop thoughts popping into your head can you? However it no longer keeps me up at night. Time blurs and softens things.
It’s now wayyy past the bed time of the folk who go to the little club I’ve been inhabiting lately and I just couldn’t be bothered going anywhere else in SL, to another place where I might not like the music or worse, the people. Where the folk around me might try to talk to me. I don’t want to talk. I’m all out of talk tonight.
Instead I logged out and I’m listening to a playlist I listen to sometimes when I want to drift off ….hoping it’ll ease me into sleep slowly. Eventually….
I thought I’d share a few with you. It’s late and not many will see this post and I can always delete it in the morning. I could link you to my playlists … but that’d be just a step too close so instead you just get a few, you just get these…
Unloved, Soak, Cigarettes after sex, Zero 7, Bardoe, Frente, La Luz, Flunk, Cigarettes after sex (last time, promise 😉 ), Julia Jacklin.
Sweet dreams out there. I hope sleep finds you, maybe these will even help.
I hope it finds me.
….this little guy! Lol did you think I meant a real life human being? You did right?
There may be one or two I’m falling in like with however 😘
Sooooooo why am I posting random blogs about puppy love? I have cats right? I’m a bona fide cat lady! I can’t be consorting with canines can I? Lol well, as it happens that’s exactly what I’m up to. I’m baby sitting my friends wee puppy just now, which is proving kinda interesting given that I have two wee cat fur babies of my very own. Yep. It’s awright though, they’ve managed not to kill each other. So far at least 😂
Am I mad, quite possibly. I couldn’t not though as this wee doggy is just so completely adorable I properly want to eat him all up. In fact I am pretty certain that he is actually the most adorable puppy ever spawned into existence ever. Like ever, ever.
This precarious dog/cat situation also means I might be tempted to write some more nonsense here as I’m too bloody scared to leave the house haha. Staying in means I am definitely going to get bored so I’m potentially gonna end up writing a whole heap of shite on here as I tend to do when I get fed up and run of of other things (every other thing possible) to do. Do you like staying in? I hate staying in and tend to go stir crazy if I don’t get out at least once a day. Unless that is, I have someone fun to stay in with 😉 Even then I guess I still feel a need to get away, to escape. Unfortunately I have also been told (warned lol) that the wee mutt is too teeny to drag out for a run just yet. Owell.
Alright, that’s enough drivel for today. I’m away and as per I will give you some music to listen to / ignore completely. If I’m gonna link music I probably should go with Elvis for this post huh? However I’m not going to as that’s just way too predictable. Instead I’m going with what I’ve been listening to today, because, well, it’s true isn’t it, some days are diamonds and some days are rocks. It’s a Tom cover, a nice one though and an altruistic one which makes it doubly nice. If you like it too then I’d encourage you to buy it ’cause the proceeds will go to MusiCares which is an organization that helps all kinds of musicians.
Love ya (okay so that was a lie, however I’m certainly wishing you tons of diamonds and a plethora of open road) Loops x
I haven’t logged in SL for a few days. I was going to tell you why however then I realised you probably don’t care so I stopped 😂. Anyway RL is dead boring compared to SL sometimes. ESPECIALLY when you stumble across bizarre things like this rooster biped with a big dangly dick relieving himself into a campfire! I dunno if that’s what a bona fide rooster dick looks like. I even did a google search on it to see (my browser history grows more suspect by the day lol) however nowt came up so I’m still in the dark. If anyone knows, then fill me in by all means!
I know you lot are dying to know where you can find your very own as now you’ve seen his ‘greatness’ nothing else will ever sexually satisfy you again. So if this sort of thing turns you on half as much as it does me you can buy him here:
I’m all over that!
PS: I particularly love the close up piss picture the seller has included with a wolf having a right stare. Good job!
This isn’t about cats. I just liked that picture so thought I’d use it. I should really have found / made a butterfly one (because this is a wee bit about butterflies) but I can’t be fucked logging into sl just now so you’re stuck with me and my cat. 😋
What is it about? Well… relationships I guess. I’ve thought for a while that humans really aren’t actually designed to be in relationships for any length of time. Those of you close to me will know this as I’ve probably shared the premise with you already however I’ve never actually written about it here.
The secret bowels my blog are rammed full with heartfelt posts that I’ve either never published or which I’ve published, considered,and then removed within the blink of an eye as they’ve been too personal and too close to the bone for me. This one is a wee bit personal too I guess however it’s also observational so mibbie it will manage to stay the distance.
As always my posts are a mix of RL and SL as both are very interwoven for me. I do think however that all of this nonsense I’m about to spew forth can be applied both to RL and SL, only in SL the timeframe is much, much shorter 😏
Taking of duration, this is probably going to be a long one so I hope you’ve got a coffee, or a wine, hahaha wines probably preferable for the ensuing cynicism.
Awright enough waffle!
We are completely designed to fail at relationships.
And I’ll tell you why.
Firstly, I want you to think about the moment you initally meet someone, the ‘right’ someone. That tantalising attraction you feel. Sparks literally fly when you touch, it feels electric. Your pulse quickens, you get butterflies (see! butterflies!), their name takes on a special significance.
And this is just on your side.
What if its mutual? Then it’s explosive! This is amazing! You finally understand all the love songs, the poems, the art. The concept of soulmates. It’s happened you’ve found him or her. It was true after all. Your entire life has led to this moment, it’s magical, meant to be. It feels so right. Your partner is perfect, you get blissfully lost in their kisses for hours, their body is so incredibly fascinating to you, you adore each pore, want to know every inch intimately. Sex feels like something otherworldly, it’s like your bodies were made for each other, you fit so perfectly, everything feels right, connected. Joined. You move completely in synch, you’re two missing puzzle pieces that have finally found each other and clicked perfectly into place. It’s euphoric, a drug like ecstasy. Touches cause immediate, delicious goosebumps. You stare into each others eyes and talk all night putting the world to rights discovering everything, anything about each other and you want to know it all, each little fact or dream or hope revealed endearing you further. Dinner dates last for hours, you forget the food, forget to order or even look at the menu, have to be prompted by the waiter two times, when the food does come it’s goes cold, largely untouched. You have no time for food, you want to spend every second eating up this perfect partner you have found, drinking them in. You have so much in common, did two people ever gel so well before? Surely never. You find out about all of his or her little quirks like switching off all the sockets before you leave the house are adorable – how safety conscious and thoughtful, he/she really cares!
Then what? Well, then, unfortunately it all begins to change doesn’t it? Admit it, that honeymoon period doesn’t last. It leaves … departs in a manner of ways, it can be rapid or slow and drawn out however leave it does. One day you just realise you don’t feel that way anymore. It’s gone. Changed. You realise “Happily Ever After” is one of the greatest lies ever told. It’s constructed and fake and about as far from reality as it gets.
The first part never lasts, we’re humans and inevitably our stupid brain chemistry kicks in and we start to wonder if we’re missing out, if this is it? Or is there something else, something better out there? As we move from the honeymoon period into the companionship period, we, silly fickle things that we are, begin to miss the butterflies. Those quirks we used to find adorable aren’t so adorable anymore in fact they become intensely annoying. Stick a pencil through their eye annoying. Switching off ALL the sockets? For fucks sake why? Do you think we’ll ever get out the door this side of 2018?! Sex is okay, kinda boring, comfortable, known. Dinners now involve mobile phones and conversations about the food as opposed your deepest darkest fears. You have stupid ridiculous fights about who’s turn it is to load the dishwasher. Your messed up brain starts to assign ownership, you start thinking of them as yours my boyfriend, my partner, something that has become part of you. We think of them as ours and begin to take them for granted. We nag them, we are short tempered, if we have a bad day we take it out on them, we hang up abruptly we become inconsiderate and stop thinking about their needs. And they do the same.
We begin to wonder if we settled. If this is it. Is this what happens to everyone? Is it inevitable. Was it all a lie, is this the reality. Should we re-adjust, try to stop thinking about this, forget it and try to be happy, be content because after all it isn’t bad.It’s just not… good like it was before.
I know some folk, a lot of folk do settle, especially if kids come along and complicate things further. You sacrifice the wonderful for the mundane. Because yes, I do think its a sacrifice. You’re sacrificing your butterflies. No more dates, not more hazy honeymoons.
So what next? What happens if you do choose to stay?
If you do make it past this phase you enter the long haul stage. You merge, become a team. There is no more magic the butterflies are long dead and withered. Kisses are on the cheek and usually reserved for hellos and goodbyes. You don’t snog like before, thoughts about their mouth are usually more centred around their smelly bad breath and the last time they cleaned their teeth. You inhabit a routine interspersed with some ‘nice stuff’ to trick you both into feeling like it’s really okay. Date night. A movie a dinner. To give the semblance of … what? Romance? It’s all just become a tick box routine though. Just something else to be done alongside taking the rubbish out. You begin to resent them and the status quo a little.
Then something unsought and unexpected happens…something that brings you back to life a little. That hot new guy in the gym? He definitely likes you. It’s okay to flirt back a little, its harmless isn’t it? It doesn’t mean anything does it? Not really. It’s fine! You’re human, you deserve to feel nice, attractive, wanted. And there goes your brain again, it’s off sending out those romance signals. The butterflies are back. There’s excitement again, newness. The awakening of the attraction, the longing for pleasure again…
You’re not getting on with your partner anyway, it’s over, dead. You need to grasp this chance, take it, if you were to forgo it due to some type of misguided loyalty you’d only resent your partner more wouldn’t you? You’d regret it. You need to act on it. You want to.
He or she found out. Maybe you told them, maybe you didn’t. Your comfortable relationship comes crashing to an end and your partner leaves. There’s anger, betrayal, hurt. Jealousy.
And now your longterm partner has left so you should be happy right? You got what you wanted. So what does your stupid fucked up brain then decide to do? It tells you you AREN’T happy at all. This ISN’T what you wanted. You want THEM. You HAVE to get them back. You made a terrible, terrible mistake. Of course it does. Our brains are a fucking contradictory carcrash. There really is no hope for us.
We remember only the good times, looking back through rose tinted glasses. He / she was the love of your life, how could you be so blind? And of course they don’t WANT YOU back now. It becomes a living hell. Torturous even. All those heartbreak songs are speaking directly to you. He was the love of your life and you traded him for a meathead from the gym? How could you be so stupid.
We bombard them, we just can’t help it. We text, we call we email. Desperate, pathetic. If only we can make them see we regret it, we’ve seen sense. Please baby, give me one more chance.
Humans can’t handle heartbreak. They simply can’t they go nuts. Act completely irrationally. Crazily. They become someone else. I think death might easier to come to terms with than heartbreak when I think about it. Breakups are never easy they are never amicable, someone’s lying there if they are saying they are. Hearts never break even. People have to learn to move on and that takes time. Differing amounts of time. Differing methods.
Some people can’t move on however that’s irrelevant. You have to pretend you have. Because you’re only deemed okay again when you have. Eventually your friends, family, nearest and dearest will get sick of your sadness, your longing your depths of despair. People only want to comfort you for so long. It’s a finite period.
You’re only deemed okay when you’re back in the cycle again.
And maybe, a few years later (the next week if its SL haha) you are doing okay. Times a healer after all, you’re feeling good again. Then you see a guy, at a gig, he catches your eye and smiles and your tummy does that little flip and those butterflies begin to stir their cobwebby wings….
Here we go again.
This time it will be different.
Soooooo… I was in SL today, just standing about, as you do, profile perving and there was this comment in this guys RL that I sorta liked so I thought I’d ask if I could steal it – gotta be polite eh? He said yes, just ’cause I’d asked so nicely’ and then the conversation continued in a somewhat predictable way, which I told him and to which he responded by saying I’d just caught him on a bad day…owell. It then deteriorated into the start of semi sex chat (‘how much can you take lady?’) which is, frankly worse than predictable chat and signified the beginning of the end of that particular little interlude HOWEVER beforehand something funny transpired which amused me no end.
Now anyone who knows me in SL knows my avatar is about as far from the oversexed bubblegum barbie you invariably find in SL as you can get. She’s sorta pale and beat up looking with dark circles round her eyes and I dress my wee doll in grungy jeans and a jumper most days. I dress her like I dress in RL most of the time. I’m not interested in coming across as attractive pixel wise to folk and I’m definitely not in SL for sex (in truth it bores me). I like the minds behind the screen (which, occasionally, rarely, can be very attractive to me) not the naked pixels on it…anyway, back to what happened today. It’s hilariously ironic to me that today of all days my doll was looking just about as pretty as I have ever made her. I mean she had a bloody dress on and everything AND IT WAS EVEN PINK for fucks sake. And short. Granted I had docs on but still… I was, for me in SL, looking mildly pretty(ish). There had been a birthday party at my favourite club that I just couldn’t miss y’see and I’d even promised I’d wear a frock so there I was.. still in the dress because, well, I’m lazy and two days later I couldn’t be bothered to change. This is what I was wearing by the way:
Now, bite marks aside I think she is looking quite presentable don’t you?
Apparently not it seems because this is the conversation that ensued, check the bits in bold, it really does crack me up 🤣:
[2018/09/10 10:57] Jonny Porthos: so what about you ,you come back time and time again for the blogging?
[2018/09/10 10:58] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): I have periods of .. I dunno what, abstinence, boredom, distinterest.. but yeah it always pulls me back in
[2018/09/10 10:58] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): I’ve thought about why a lot
[2018/09/10 10:58] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): ahh mibbie that’s a potential blog 😉
[2018/09/10 10:59] Jonny Porthos: possibly ….well you obviously dont thrive on the getting male attention ,i mean you arent in this game to turn heads it seems
[2018/09/10 11:00] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): lol
[2018/09/10 11:00] Loops (loopylou.sugarplum): charming
[2018/09/10 11:00] Jonny Porthos: :p
[2018/09/10 11:00] Jonny Porthos: i have my moments ,mhmm
[2018/09/10 11:00] Jonny Porthos: but i sensed you can take it
Well. Back to the jeans and jumpers it is. And I guess, it’s nice to know that the folk who do talk to me must be interested in more than pretty pixels and that the heads I occasionally turn have brains inside them and not just eyes 😉
What’re you gonna do today?
Here in Edinburgh it’s not as nice a day today as yesterday, at least it’s not raining though and the sun’s beginning to peek out. Soooooo I’m gonna drive to the coast, find a place with no people and drink in the sea air I think! 😍
Have a good one and, to nick my mates phrase, stay safe out there 😉